Change My Game - Kelsey Clayton

Ruminations of an Insomniac.. 

Change My Game was a LOT. I really can't put it any other way. I loved the character growth and the story tugged at my heart. But there was just so much to unpack in the process. History. Pushback. Resentment. Trauma responses all over. Loss. And at the center of it all are 3 lifetime best friends, treading water.

Jace is a disaster. Like epically so. But the synopsis could tell you that much. His character development was the one that I loved the most. He hurts a lot of people through the course of his growth, but love is a fickle thing. It's all too common for someone to lash out at those who love them most when they get backed into a corner. And Jace is no exception. Most of all he hurts his cradle to grave best friend, Carter. And the one and only Paige. She also has a lot going on. I found myself questioning her a lot, but also deeply understanding some bits of her fiber. She was infuriatingly frustrating at times, but I also broke and cried with her at others.

"Trust me, baby. I don't want anything to do with me either." - Jace London

All in all, I had to finish this book. I absolutely needed to see these characters through. I got so wrapped up in them that unpacking ALL that was Change My Game felt worth it. Like I said, it was a lot. The pages were filled with hard hitting things, so I will leave my fair warning. Kelsey Clayton made so much of it feel real. Would I respond to anything in this story how the characters did? I don't believe so. But I also remember how it felt, especially emotionally, to be 20-21 and that recollection is what made this prose work for me.  

Rating:

Book Boyfriend: 8/10

Flow: 7/10

Plot: 8/10 

Overall: 8/10

Please note that there are several potential trigger subjects in Jace and Paige's story. 

Currently available on Kindle (and Kindle Unlimited).

Synopsis:

My name is Jace London,

And I may have screwed up.

I’ve always been the guy who had it all.

Privilege, entitlement, and a life of luxury.

But after one college night gone tragically wrong,

Nothing has ever been the same.

Everyone thinks I should be happy.

With a trust fund like mine, who could be sad?

But no one knows what’s going on with me,

Or the nightmares that keep me awake at night.

I finally found salvation in a parent’s worst nightmare.

The only thing to ease the pain just enough to breathe.

My friends are worried I’m going to ruin myself.

What they don’t realize, is I’m already dead inside.

Now they’re ready to pull out all the stops,

Including a therapist that gets paid an ungodly price.

No amount of money can bring back the guy I was,

But the girl that got away might be enough to try.

Gorgeous, strong, and confident to a fault.

If anyone can save me from myself, it’s her.

Change My Game is a standalone and part of the North Haven University series. It deals with sensitive topics that may be triggering for some readers.

Damien, Forever - Tempest Phan

Ramblings of a Bookworm...

I don't even know where to begin... Damien James Mortensen stole my heart from page 1. Halfway through chapter 1, I knew I wouldn't make it out of this novel tear-free, and boy was I right... I have a soft spot for the damaged bad boys, and the more ink and piercings, the better - both of which he had in spades.

Tempest Phan sent me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Just when things start looking up, everything comes crashing down again to start at square one.

There is so much more to my boy of whispers, all of it carefully layered and hidden from the world. - Mirabella Davenport

Soft spoken, dark, and brooding, Damien is every girl's secret fantasy and every dad's worst nightmare. With demons that I could never even begin to fathom coupled with a heart of gold, paired with Bella's kind soul and the patience of a saint, they are a force to be reckoned with.

She deserved so much better than a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. She deserved caviar and champagne and luxurious getaways. Not a run-down shack and nights filled with nightmares and demons. - Damien Mortensen

This slow burn friends to lovers masterpiece put me through the wringer, and easily soared to my top 5 of 2020 - a book I will happily read again and again.

Rating:

Book Boyfriend: 10/10

Plot: 10/10

Flow: 10/10

Overall: 10/10

*Available on Kindle and Kindle Unlimited*

Synopsis 

An angsty, friends-to-lovers, second-chance romance with a dash of new adult and a twist of rockstar.

Damien

She's everyone's favorite princess. Gorgeous girl next door. Homecoming queen. But to me, she'll always be so much more. The light in my dark, my best friend, my everything. But there's one thing she can't ever be. And that's mine. Because I'll make damn sure to keep my filthy hands off her. Even if it kills me.

Bella

He's the boy of broken whispers. The one dripping ink. The one sowing fear. But to me, he'll always be so much more. The music in my soul, my best friend, my everything. And pretty soon, he'll be between my sheets, too. Because what baby girl wants, she gets. Just watch.

The Villian - LJ Shen

Ruminations of an Insomniac..

You know what I think my favourite part of LJ Shen books is? I could say the robust characters. I may note the steam that is off the charts. The intricate details warrant mention. But more than all that, the quick wit and verbal sparring that float seamlessly through the dialogue? That's my favourite part.

Persephone Penrose appears to the text book definition of the pre-k teacher she is. Overshadowed and underseen because of an exuberant sibling. But the girl is more than meets the eye. She is brimming with fire, matching Cillian turn for turn. And no one can walk through fire quite like Hades. He thrives when surrounded by it. 

"There were twenty-seven emotions? That seemed completely unmanageable." - Cillian Fitzpatrick 

On the surface, they couldn't be more different. His icy demeanor and her undeniable warmth should, theoretically clash like titans. But her fire scorches through him, burning down the barriers he had worked so hard to construct. The moment I turned the final page, I wanted to start it over, just to stay submerged in their world, in their story for a while longer. Once again, LJ Shen bewitched me. 

Rating:

Book Boyfriend: 10/10 (Even LJ Shen's villainous men shatter me) 

Flow: 10/10

Plot: 10/10 

Overall: 10/10

Currently available on Kindle (and Kindle Unlimited).

Synopsis:

Cruel. Coldblooded. Hades in a Brioni suit.

Cillian Fitzpatrick has been dubbed every wicked thing on planet earth.
To the media, he is The Villain.
To me, he is the man who (reluctantly) saved my life.
Now I need him to do me another, small solid.
Bail me out of the mess my husband got me into.
What’s a hundred grand to one of the wealthiest men in America, anyway?
Only Cillian doesn’t hand out free favors.
The price for the money, it turns out, is my freedom.
Now I’m the eldest Fitzpatrick brother’s little toy.
To play, to mold, to break.
Too bad Cillian forgot one, tiny detail.
Persephone wasn’t only the goddess of spring; she was also the queen of death.
He thinks I’ll buckle under the weight of his mind games.
He is about to find out the most lethal poison is also the sweetest.

The Not-Outcast - Tijan

Ruminations of an Insomniac..

I will admit, this one threw me at first. While I read the beginning of the book, I found myself questioning, “This is Tijan, right?” I’ve been a fan of her work for a long time now, so I put my trust in her as an author and kept reading. And I’m so beyond glad that I did. The writing style in the very beginning is intentional and absolutely necessary. I won’t tell you why, but it 100% aides in painting an accurate picture in this story.

Cheyenne is complex. There is no other way to put it. She is a beautiful creature, at every level of her being. And the girl barely realizes it. She is a forged steel blade. Stunning, but dangerous if not handled with care. Then he skates into her life, or back in I should say, and both of their existences shift. Cut may be an athlete; however he is anything but the stereotype. This giant man brought me to tears, baring his soul. The dynamic of the two of them made me wish for more people in the world to find a love like that. A love that isn’t all sunshine, but one that is real and raw. One that pushes and pulls but at the end of the day, the effort and understanding is what will always stand out.

“But damn, I just wanted to be loved. And he was here. And he had stayed.” - Cheyenne

Stars align in this second chance (sort of?) sports romance. Tijan, once again, amazed me with this one. The depth of the prose and the vivid dynamic characters are everything. She challenged & captivated me with her words. And because of how hard and deep I fell in love, my personal top ten this year would be absolutely incomplete without The Not Outcast.

Rating:

Book boyfriend: 10/10
Flow: 10/10
Plot: 10/10 
Overall: 10/10

Currently available on Kindle (and Kindle Unlimited).

Synopsis:

Cutler Ryder was everything I wasn't.

He was the hockey star. I was an outcast.
He was best friends with my stepbrother, that same stepbrother who hated me.
His two parents loved him. My mom was a junkie. My dad barely knew me.

Years passed.
I got my life together.
Cut went onto NHL stardom.

Then there was a text.
I was drinking.
There was a party.
Cut was there...

I loved Cutler Ryder since the first moment I saw him.
The only problem? He never knew I existed.

Kiss To Forget - Anna B. Doe

Ruminations of an Insomniac.. 

A Kiss to Forget was absolutely nothing like I was expecting. It was so much more. It’s the kind of story you read when you need to lose yourself for a little while. At least that’s how it felt to me. Anna B. Doe broke my heart, hard. But I promise, there was profound beauty in the breaking.

Sometimes things need to be broken, so they can be stronger from mending. And that, I believe, is the case for Yasmin and Nixon. They are both strong and stubborn. She’s serious but soft. The only thing he seems to be serious about is a good time (and maybe football). That is, until light is shed on his truth. In that light, his character is just as vast and complicated as hers.

"She's not fighting her storm, she's become it. Beautiful in unleashed anger." - Nixon Cole

Their story made my heart ache, for so many reasons. But it was also filled with notes of hope and growth. Change and acceptance, in so many different avenues, were absolutely catalysts in this book. I will read this one again, guaranteed. Probably when I need to be reminded that people are usually more than they seem at face value. But not just then. Because my heart has broken wide open for a hurricane of a girl and a boy who learns to dance in the rain. And I know I won’t be able to leave them for long.

Rating:

Book Boyfriend: 9/10 
Flow: 9/10
Plot: 10/10 

Overall: 9.5/10

Currently available on Kindle (and Kindle Unlimited).

Synopsis:

Something about her drew him in from the start.

Yasmin Hernandez—4.0 student, hard worker, volunteer. Starting Blairwood University is her chance at a new beginning. It doesn’t matter that it’s all a lie, does it?

Nixon Cole has it all—money, good looks, charm and a national championship win to wrap it all up. But there is more hiding behind his charming smile than he lets on.

Until he found out the secret she’s been hiding.

Nixon has had a thing for Yasmin from the moment they met, but she isn’t about to let another player near her heart. When a chance encounter reveals his secret, Yasmin will realize they have more in common than either of them thought.

Kiss by kiss they’ll forget reality. Will it be enough to save them, or will it be the cause of a broken heart?

 

Break Me - Meagan Brandy

Ruminations of an Insomniac.. 

Royce Brayshaw stole my heart, as a secondary character in his brother's stories. But his story? Tore it out, stomped on it, ran it over a couple times for good measure, then kissed it better and handed it back to me wrapped in the most exquisite bow. The tale of how the last (but definitely not least) Brayshaw brother found love absolutely slayed me. And is definitely one of my top 3 of 2020! 

“He wants to love, but he’s not capable of loving lightly. It’s not in his nature. He’s explosive, and he knows it, but you know that, too.” - Raven Brayshaw

Royce has been my favourite for a long time, that's no secret. The funny playboy, with a heart full of worries and secrets. But nothing could have prepared me to witness everything he is in this book. And Brielle is literally the only one who could have given us all these new facets of him. A legitimate burst of light, with a unique ability to break down his stoic walls. 

"Help me fly, ‘cause this lost boy is on his way down, baby girl...” - Royce Brayshaw 

The way Meagan wrote the dynamic of these two is almost poetic. Their story is an emotional hurricane. One that had the power to evoke boisterous laughter and bring me to tears, on several occasions. It was a profound honour to step into their world once again and watch as these two polar opposites unraveled each other. Because what they are, re-twined together, is nothing short of extraordinary. 

Rating:

Book Boyfriend: 15/10 (what can I say, he's my favourite) 

Flow: 10/10

Plot: 10/10 

Overall: 10/10

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ramblings of a Bookworm..

I've spent the past 24 hours processing and still have a bit of a book-hangover after finishing this one, so bear with me.

Royce captured my heart and soul from the very beginning of this series and I've been anxiously awaiting his book, and let me tell you - it was worth the wait. Diving into his mind after only witnessing the facade he puts on externally was truly an experience, and just like Pam, Break Me is in my top 3 reads of 2020.

       "...I never claimed to be the sane one, that's Captain. Maddoc is the angry alpha, and me, I'm the fuckin' wild one." - Royce Brayshaw

We've known Royce as the wild child, the party animal, the one who jokes at inappropriate times to lighten the situation, but he is so much more than that. A darkness that tugs on your heartstrings and makes you want to hug him or slap him several times throughout. And then comes Brielle...

       "I'm so sick of good and I don't want calm. I want a hurricane." - Brielle Bishop

The brightest star in the darkest night, and a goodness that could melt even the coldest of hearts, she is a force to be reckoned with. I don't think any other character would have been a good enough match for out boy. Wise beyond her years, and the patience of a damn saint, she is the yin to his yang, no matter how hard he tries to deny it.

Rating:

Book Boyfriend: 10/10

Flow: 10/10

Plot: 10/10 

Overall: 10/10

Currently available on Kindle (and Kindle Unlimited).

Synopsis:

I had a plan, and it was solid. 

Track down what was hidden away and take pleasure in toying with it. Toying with her. 

It worked like a charm. Until it didn’t. 

Turned out, the feisty little thing I found was far from what I hoped for. She was different from all I knew and more than I expected. She was light, and I’m the bastard who led her into darkness. But this girl... she followed with a smile. 

I told her I break pretty things. 

She asked me to promise.

The Grove Series - A.R. Breck

Ruminations of an Insomniac..

I have to start this review with a trigger warning of sorts.. The author does include trigger warnings in the synopsis of both books (which can be found at the very bottom of this review). 

Reapers and Roses (Book 1)

A.R. Breck seriously took me off guard with this one.. A story, seemingly poised to be another standard enemies to lovers high school romance, took on a life of it's own before my eyes. She hits raw marks and dives into deep issues, giving a voice to silent victims. Sure, there are trope-y elements. But she fluidly blends them with hard hitting realities. The one that stood out to me most, weaving its way through chapter after chapter, was the stark difference between life above and below the poverty line. 

Easton and Rose are the most unlikely of pairs, making their clash feel of epic proportions. They have counteracting determination, and in several places I wasn't sure if they'd have a HEA or actually kill each other. They are fire and ice, Superman and kryptonite. 

"Because I'll keep you afloat. I'll save you, little Rose. Just like I've been saving you since day one." - Easton Malone

The thing is, fire melts ice. Making it seem like a completely different substance. And kryptonite? While most would argue that it is Superman's greatest weakness, it's also the thing that essentially makes him equal. His heart ties him to humanity, but the kryptonite brings him down from his pedestal, making him human. And if anyone can tame a Reaper, a Rose growing through adversity just might do the trick.

Thorn in the Dark (Book 2)

Fair warning, the cliffhanger that Book one left off on was outright brutal. I'm super thankful I waited until both were released to read this duet, because not knowing would have killed me. But now, I have all the answers!

Book two picks up, exactly where the first left off. I'm talking, the same moment. With Rose immersed in an unimaginable struggle, and Easton swooping in as her protector. This half of the story is brimming with even more hard reality hits. It's a delicately crafted image of strength and support, pulling one out of darkness. But also serves as a heartbreaking nod to addiction, duty, and loss. Saturated with deep-seated notes of coping before healing, too. 

“I bring the darkness, and you, Rose, you’re my ride or die. I was so lost in the unknown, and you woke me up. I ran right into your sharp edges, and you woke me the fuck up. I always thought no matter what blew in our path, we would conquer it. Is this where it ends? Is this where we end?” - Easton Malone

The journey Rose and Easton took me on was one I didn't expect. I found myself wading through frustration at their dynamic. I sat with tears running down my face as character arcs peaked, and realization hit. I held my breath as broken souls spoke words they never imagined they would utter. Throughout these pages, I wanted to wrap each person in a hug. And give them a snack. Because that's what moms do when things go wrong. And, much like Disney princesses, it seemed to me every one of them are in desperate need of a decent mother figure. Alas, I imagine their story would be different if that was the case. And I don't think I would change it (most of it - I still haven't recovered from that one part. With the transport. You'll know the one..) for anything. 

I invite you, to dive into the darkness of Easton and Rose's world for a while. Don't say I didn't warn you.. It's graphic, and it's brutal. But it's so worth it. 

Rating:

Book Boyfriend: 8/10 (guy's got some serious damn issues) 

Flow: 9/10 

Plot: 9/10 (it has all the makings of a 10, but left me questioning some details) 

Overall: 9/10

Currently available on Kindle (and Kindle Unlimited).

Synopsis:

Reapers and Roses 

Rose
When my mom told me we were moving to the Grove, I thought it was a joke.
Our family, one of the wealthiest in Woodbury, moving to a dump like the Grove?
Well, I guess that's what happens when you lose everything.
Now we're shoved into the house the size of a shoebox and I can literally feel the darkness seeping in around me.
But then, I meet someone with a darkness that even I can't compete with.
They call him the Reaper.

Easton
Darkness has consumed me my entire life.
I've known nothing but death and destruction, using my fists to control the beast within me.
Then, after yet another win in the ring, I find my Rose.
A little ball of light, I think.
But no, her eyes hold the familiar darkness that calls to me.
Alone, I live with my demons.
Together, we will conquer them.
Welcome to hell, baby girl.

**Reapers and Roses contains mature themes and triggers that might make some readers uncomfortable. Foul language, criminal activity, drug use, physical and sexual abuse are included in this book.**

Thorn in the Dark

Rose

I thought I had life figured out.

Until I crashed into the brink of tragedy.

That peak in which you teeter on the line of sanity versus insanity.

The moment where you look forward and see darkness, then look over your shoulder and see more darkness.

Pain is probably down either avenue I choose, but which one will keep me intact?

Which one will make me crumble?

How many times can tragedy happen to a person until they break for good?

One, two, three...

Easton

I grew up in darkness.

I thought I knew what It's like to walk through life shrouded in a world without light.

Pain never mattered much, because it's all I've ever known.

She walked into my life like a sharp thorn that I knew would bleed me dry.

I was okay with that, as long it was her that was by my side.

I never realized that the darkness I lived in wasn't dark at all.

I never really knew darkness.

Until tragedy on top of tragedy strikes and I feel like an atomic bomb ready to detonate.

How long will it take?

Three, two, one...

**Thorn in the Dark contains mature themes that might make some readers uncomfortable. Foul language, criminal activity, drug use, physical and sexual abuse are included in this book. Please proceed with caution.**